Psychedelics Were My Best Teacher

When I first began ingesting psychedelics I was, to say the least, both irresponsible with them and ignorant of the vast expanse of their immense power. Not to say that this did not lead to profound insight, unprecedented introspection, as well as joyous elation and some of the best times I’ve ever experienced….all those experiences were frequent.

However, my lack of knowledge and lack of caution resulted in some dire outcomes. One undesirable outcome was the psychological discomfort of an inner void. Ego defenses, unexamined assumptions, habitual responses and conditioned narratives dissolved. This made observation of the world and it’s constructs possible with an objectivity which revealed the absurdity of the mythos of indoctrination. However, without knowledge of what actually was true, or who I was beneath the veneer of conditioned responses…I was left ultimately in absence of identity. I had discovered who I wasn’t….but failed to discover or invent who I was. I was by default empty…void of essence.. not because my essence was not present, but because I had not cultivated that essential meness to replace the not-me dissolved by acid.

Additionally buried trauma was unlodged from its burial ground in the dark recesses of my subconscious by a flood of uncovered memories which burst into my consciousness with a violent, boiling turbulence. I was bombarded with the impact of those events relentlessly and mercilessly. And without my ego defenses my psyche was vulnerable; my mind suffered horribly from the onslaught of disturbed…